Every year I feel conflicted. (At least, this holds true now that I’m married with two young children.) Not only am I interracial (I’m not conflicted about that), but I also married a white man (also not the conflicted part.) Here’s the conflict: Should I continue to recognize an entire month devoted to black history? To be honest, I’ve felt conflicted about this in the past, BM (before marriage) and BC (before children), but it wasn’t as pronounced as it is now.

Why should I devote time and energy to one part of my identity just so our children can learn about black leaders, explorers, inventors, scientists, writers, musicians, sport legends, and et al.? This is what schools should do, right?

Recently, I came across this: http://www.omaha.com/article/20130131/GO/701319990. I love learning about inventors. Whenever we travel, our family really enjoys visiting science museums (which seem lacking in the “other” inventors category, by the way.) As soon as I learned about the African-American Inventors exhibit, I told my husband that we should go. Why? Because, as I pointed out to him, I never learned about “other” inventors in school, and I’m afraid that our children aren’t either.

My husband has little interest in studying his heritage. I asked why once. It boils down to the fact that it never mattered when he was coming up. He’s white. No one ever looked at him and asked, “Why are you here?” or said, “You don’t belong here” because he is white. He automatically fit “the picture” wherever he went.

By now, you’re probably wondering what this has to do with Cozy Couples. Our perspectives are obviously varied, and today, I found myself wondering if any of the other writers ever gave this topic (Black History Month) much thought. Many people are likely thinking about Valentine’s Day. I’m not. It’s not all that important to us.

My overall point is that we don’t need one particular day or month to acknowledge or celebrate anything. My husband just said, “You’re thinking like a guy.” (Yes, he’s right here at the kitchen table as I write this.) Don’t get me wrong, I like flowers and gifts, but I also love surprises, and prefer celebrating our relationship 365 days/year rather than pinning all of our hopes, desires, and expectations on a single day.

No single month or day is more critical than investing time and energy into something or someone every day.

KDM

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