I decided to watch an episode of Frazier this morning. The subject of this particular show was commitment. It posed the question “why do people have problems finding love as they get older?”
In the show a caller tells Frazier that he is dating a woman but half commits because he fears there is another person out there better suited for him. Frazier then gives the advice that he needs to break up with this woman because it wasn’t fair to her.
This inspired me to write a little something about the challenges of finding love as we get older. Many people make better relationships a New Years goal so I thought this would be a good time to give helpful insight on why we fail. The three strikes rule seems fitting.
1. Experiences leave us with the proverbial baggage.
2. Fear! That little word pops up in all aspects of our lives and the greatest way to defeat it is…. take knowledge that it is there and then like the Nike ads say… JUST DO IT! Courage is the aftermath of fear.
A. Of loosing our freedoms or changing our routines to fit someone else.
B. Rejection… which as we get older it gets stronger, its safer to sit home and watch LMN then going out and meeting new people. This leads to convincing ourselves that we like being alone.
C. Being hurt if you do decide to get yourself out in the playing field. Which is similar to rejection but different in that you have actually taken the steps to meet someone.
3. The lists, you know the ones we make that there is no way a person could possibly fit into. I believe that this is one of the main contributors of failed relationships as we get older. We have this unattainable list of things that would be desirable about the person with whom we would like to have a relationship. Which if carefully examined most people would put the #1 strike on these lists…like must not have children or must have not been married. As we get older those lists should get shorter but it is in or human make-up to find “the right one” therefore leading to a list longer then my family grocery list for 6 people!
I’m not saying that married couples don’t have this list. As our relationship has grown there are certain things that I find unpleasant about my spouse. These things would be on my list as characteristics to avoid if returning to the dating scene. I know for a fact Mr. Sorensen has few of my personality quarks on his list as well, we both know these annoying habits are easily ignored. Many people use these undesirable characteristics to form a rock solid case for divorce. When simply it is just learning to live with someone other than yourself 24/7.
I am not saying we shouldn’t have expectations and compatibility but I am saying that compromise is still the #1 rule on the play ground!
Happy New Year from CozyCouples!
Written by Rachel Sorensen